1. Why do birds fly south for New Year’s Eve? It’s too far to walk.
2. Why should you sprinkle sugar on your pillow on New Year’s Eve? To start the year with sweet dreams.
3. What did Adam say to Eve on Dec. 31? It’s New Year’s, Eve.
4. What was the spider’s New Year’s resolution? Spend less time on the web.
5. Why was the jeweler at the New Year’s Eve party? To help ring in the new year.
6. What do you say to the person who didn’t show up to the New Year’s Eve party? I haven’t seen you since last year!
7. 2022 was such a blur, I think my resolution was too low.
8. My resolution was to read more, so I’m watching a movie with subtitles.
9. May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.
10. What is a New Year’s resolution? Something that goes in one year and out the other.
11. What do snowmen like to do on New Year’s Eve? Chill out.
12. What do New Year’s Day parades have in common with Santa Claus? No one is awake to see either of them.
13. Where can you go to practice math on New Year’s Eve? Times Square.
14. What’s the one group that hates New Year’s Day? The New Year’s Eve cleanup crew.
15. I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
16. Why was the telephone late for work on Jan. 1? It was busy ringing in the new year!
17. Not to brag, but I already have a date for New Year’s Eve—Dec. 31.
18. Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.
19. What’s a cow’s favorite holiday? Moo Year’s Eve.
20. What did the ghost say on Jan. 1? Happy Boo Year!
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